[19 Apr 2007|07:47pm] I'm already taking that step down into a duller and more vulnerable mind state. I'm trying to grab hold of all the good in my life and pull myself out of this crater, but all i feel is a drop in elevation emotionaly. I feel like there is no one giving me an extra push, an extra smile to make me feel a little more... a little more here. I'm giving myself too much time to think, thus making every minute last a little longer. I just wish that I could see the beauty in every breathe that I take, and exhale all the negativity that won't stop lurking around me. I'm tearing myself down too much, and feeling like something extra, something left over that doesn't need to be used... just tossed in the garbage. I let myself get hurt too easily, and bottle up every little fraction of emotion until I get here... a point where all I can do is let go, and things hurt 10 times more than they should. I just want to feel beautiful, and feel desirable to everything that I desire. I'd do anything to feel a little special... Because the things I'd give up everything for seem so distant from me these days. I didn't know that you can miss them when they are right in front of you... and I do. say something

blah. 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